Some years ago I qualified as a level 5 management coach/mentor with the Institute of Leadership and Management. At the time I was managing a large team and needed the skills to get the best from them.

I’m fortunate that I’ve been able to keep using the skills I learned even though the only team I manage is me!

Each year I take on one new graduate (through the University of Exeter) and one business leader (via UK Government’s Help to Grow scheme). These are mentoring schemes designed to: boost career prospects, in the first instance; and support growing businesses, in the second. Both are voluntary roles with the only reward being the satisfaction of seeing people develop and grow and hopefully achieve their goals. As something I do ‘on the side’ this is easily reward enough.

Recently I was invited to undertake some additional training on the Help to Grow scheme which was about reflecting on my own mentoring practice. I learned a lot more than I expected to!

Having coached/mentored several people on both schemes, I had plenty of material to consider and I noticed that I am quite focused on the data, or facts, in my sessions. While facts and data are essential, they are not the only element that’s important in any growth journey. I learned that I need to make space for feelings and emotions too. I also need to slow down!

But what of Socrates?

Socrates was known for his determination to ask difficult questions and to encourage others to to do so. In fact he was executed for inciting the young people of Athens to do just that.

In coaching and mentoring, the coach is not there to ask difficult questions necessarily but we are certainly able to ask questions that challenge accepted or stated positions; questions that may make the mentee squirm a little. As long as we do so with the intention to get the best from the mentee, this is the essence of good coaching.

Another aspect of coaching (as distinct from mentoring) is being comfortable holding a position of ignorance in relation to the coachee. By accepting that you know nothing and through effective questioning and listening you may help your coachee to learn new things, you make them the expert on their own life and work. In mentoring you also need to ask questions and listen effectively, but in this case you are expected both to know things and to share them with your mentee.

Often people think they know things, but when asked to speak about them, they struggle. A good mentor can help to tease out the information that does lie somewhere in there but is not easily accessible to the mentee. By listening effectively to the answers, a coach can reflect back what they hear in such a way that the coachee may ‘hear’ the answer for the first time. This can unlock knowledge that was there all along.

To broaden my own understanding of using questioning to lead to greater understanding, I’m reading Open Socrates by Agnes Callard. I love a good debate about “life, the universe and everything” and questions without answers are a great way to engage with others and learn about points of view.

Finally, neither coaching or mentoring are about teaching. Though mentoring does assume some expert knowledge that can be shared with the mentee, it really is about making the mentee think through their issues and supporting them to come to their own conclusions.

If you’re a small business owner seeking support to grow your business, find out more about Help to Grow.